“Napoleon On His Imperial Throne” by Ingres
Excerpt from my latest Sasstrology post:
The natal Sun represents ego and conscious will. When it sits close to (conjuncts) natalVenus, that consciousness is infused with the desire to love and be loved. Venus is lit up, boosting the powers of attraction with a warm glow of vitality. It sounds like a lovely, happy aspect. And for the most part, it is. But the Sun always casts a shadow. Read on to discover the nice, and not so nice, sides of Sun/Venus’ golden glow.”
That aspect, in my case in Gemini 21° & 23° degrees, just might have been at the heart of ‘my problems in life’ and also of my identity…
Love was always my ‘priority’ in life, and i guided a lot of my major choices by it.
This sometimes worked miracles (insofar as it made me see the world… ) but eventually, it always did me in.
For the longest time i refused to see that ‘not everybody is kind and beautiful’.
Last decade though, being i have been in Europe instead of Marin County, those ‘beliefs’ were dismantled in the most awful of ways… I was lucky i ended up living to tell the tale. I don’t know anyone who’s done half the crazy things i’ve done for ‘love’, not believed in the great impossibles that always attracted me. I’ve the great knack of falling for people who were in one way or another not available, emotionally or otherwise.
Now, after nearly losing all for good (my reason, life etc) somewhere between 07 and 09, well… Saturn happened, and it ‘closed’ me up to all that stuff. being i’ve been as far as one could for ‘the cause’ largely at the expense of the ‘coherence’ of my life (making a living was always much lower on the list.. so though i have a few degrees, i’m kind of nowhere ‘career-wise’ ) i think i finally have changed. Right now, i’m closed up like a good old oyster. I think i even have my feet on the ground some……… and deep inside i can say: i am NOT interested in all that anymore.
It’s really weird, cos for a few years, as i closed up, it made me so sad, cos love was kind of my ‘religion’ so to speak, it was my ‘light’ and ‘goal’ in life. I felt so lost and destroyed when i so crashed n burned with it, i finally changed.
I felt empty inside, and i was saying: how can i live with that belief destroyed when it is at the heart of who i am?????
This question is the fruit of that conjunction, is it not?
In any event, it’s been some time now, that i started closing up (since 09) and surprising as it may sound, it’s not at all a goal anymore, at best a ‘perhaps later when i’ve realized my goals and got a more productive life on my own’. (i’m 52 lolll)
In any event this is HUGE for me. Cos it was always my center and my ‘guide’, then it destroyed me and left me with a sense of personal annihilation (i mean that..) so much so i felt my life was ended, and i desired nothing at all for at least 2 years (Saturn in Libra/ rising effect?) but now, since this year (health problems and such) i feel i’m slowly re-investing the idea of a life, and i’m just so GLAD i’m not dreaming of a ‘guy’ again.
They’re both in opposition to Jupiter in Sag 29° too.
Now… i’m wondering if this is all gonna last.. (i mean my being more centered on my own life than the ‘love’ thing). I’m sure hoping so, cos if i don’t get my career back on track now, i never will…. What do you think?
Incidentally, about that, i have an extra question, Saturn is moving out of my first house (Libra) on Oct 28th. Then………..it will be in my 2nd. What is that? That’s the money and living you make no? So what does it mean for me? I so need to get back on track and have a career again. I’ve been unemployed for 10 yrs, in Europe. I’m sort of planning on going back to CA some time next year, and applying to Community Colleges as a teacher of Anthropology.
Given Saturn’s grand entrance in my 2nd house, does this seem like a plan that’s going to be run into the ground by Saturn or is there any hope that Saturn will teach me the nitty gritties of how to make a decent living in MY field of choice at last?
Tell me the truth Nadia: are Saturn Transits through the 2nd house really bad if you’re trying to get a whole new life/job started?
I best know what’s in store……
A woman prepared…etc.
Thank you so much for your post, and reading me.
Best always
Saturn transits through the 2nd House are not bad, you’ll just have to work extra hard for your money. But it should make you very disciplined about saving/establishing security.
My Sun Venus conjunction is less than 1 degree from being exact. However wtih a doubly exalted 5th house Aries Sun that makes Venus combusted . I too tend to be in love with love. From an early age I had ideals and fantasies about love. However I was also born with a moon conjunct saturn less than 1 degree from being exact 2 degrees from my rising sign. Saturn moon first house. My early childhood was marked with poverty and I was somewhat of a sickly child. I had a big black mole that spread on my face. which was cured with dandelion juice and vitamin E butter. Plus a lumpish growth over my heart as a baby. early life was marked with struggling. Yes I loved my dad. Though for most of my life..my relationship with my dad has been a very contentious one..marked with lots of verbal abuse and strern disipline. My sun venus conjunction is afflicted with uranus and neptune..though a tight trine to pluto. I am yet to find the love of my life and something always happened to my relationships. either there was other people or jealousy or just plain opposition from secretive and unlikely places. I do enjoy and love that I am a highly skilled guitarist and I sing songs and play music. Music is always coming from me. I go by a piano or a guitar and such and soon I am making elaborate music. Mostly for myself.
Great post. And, wow, I have had the same exact issues Cassidy and have had the same past 2 years of finally realizing life isn’t all about finding/loving “the one”. Natal Sun conjunct Venus, Moon, and Ascendant all in Gemini (1st house).
I much more focused on myself these days, and what I want in life. Have been happily single for 2 years now, it’s so refreshing to be honest.
I’m glad I was able to figure this out at 32 although I wasted many years due to love.
Wonderful. Glad you’ve realized your truth.