Letting Go Of What You Never Had

Painting by Hovhannes Aivazovsky

Painting by Hovhannes Aivazovsky

I wrote about letting go of things for the Winter Solstice in this post. For some of you, this may include things you never had.

Building up a cherished fantasy (about a relationship, goal, plan, whatever) and then having to release it can be deeply painful.  This is Neptune; it creates an illusion that can feel so real, but it  undermines your life. Neptune fantasies can be more painful than reality, because they are hooked into your ideals. Who wants to give those up?

If you’re going through a tough Neptune transit (it might be squaring your planets in Sagittarius/Gemini, or opposing your planets in Virgo), you may be experiencing this.  Or if you have a natal square or opposition to Neptune in your chart, this might be something you live with. When the fantasy starts to drain the life from your reality, you know it’s time to quit. Be gentle on yourself, and allow a period of mourning. Your loss is real.

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34 Responses to Letting Go Of What You Never Had

  1. Nancy says:

    Thanks for the insights, Nadia. They certainly resonate with this 18-degree Pisces. Best wishes this solstice and for the new year ahead.

  2. pearl says:

    natal moon venus sq. neptune. I can’t stand it. It’s so engrained in me to start floating, it’s so hard to not lift off… don’t know if I’ll ever learn how to prevent it.

    • Nadia says:

      You may never be able to prevent it, but maybe you can channel the energy into something that’s good for you (something creative or meditative). We can’t eliminate our natal energies but we can work with them.

  3. Kira says:

    Neptune has been opposing my Moon in Virgo in 6th H for some time already, but I felt it rather as a painful, but also very developing deepening of my view of the reality and my empathy towards other creatures’ feelings. I did’t think about it as causing illusions. Any tips about what they may be related to? :)

    • Nadia says:

      Not sure that I understand your question.

      • Kira says:

        Sorry, I am not an English native speaker, so I may not express myself clear enough. :) What I mean is, that I wonder what ilussions can the Neptune bring in this kind of aspect (opposition to Moon in Virgo 6th house). Maybe I have them, but I didn’t notice them yet… Do you have any idea what these illusions could be about in this case? :)

  4. dorada says:

    Your loss is real. –
    I have Mars opposition Neptune in my chart and this is the most important thing I have been told! So true…

  5. dorada says:

    Thank you so much

  6. Jeff J says:

    Natal Neptune conjunct Saturn in 12th, square natal Jupiter in 7th. Transiting Neptune in 4th house in exact opposition to natal Mercury in 10th. Nadia, is the Neptune transit forming a yod with Saturn/Neptune & Jupiter? What is the significance, if any? Thank you for any insight you can offer.

  7. Jeff J says:

    Scratch that last question, I think I see now it’s not a yod formation. Hard to figure it out sometimes when just starting out. Anyway, the “Giving up what you never had” seems very poignantly on target right now. Thank you.

  8. Cyress723 says:

    “Giving up what you never had” ……totally resonates with me. Am going through a Saturn conjunct Neptune in the 1st house and Neptune square Mercury in my natal chart…so difficult and once reality really kicks in very painful as you stated especially because it involves the death of your ideal. I feel as if it may take years to ‘get over’ something like this at the moment

  9. Tracie says:

    Oh Nadia I guess this explains some things for me. I have Neptune-10 degrees in Scorpio 2nd house, it squares 2 planets
    1. Saturn-8 degrees in Aquarius 5th house
    2. NN-8 dgrees in Leo 11th house.
    Right now Saturn is transiting my natal Neptune.

    My husband gave me a coffee mug that says “I reject your reality & insert my own” & he’s fond of joking “it must be nice to live in a world not bound by reality”. Sometime I do think I puzzle him lol. Does this placement of my Neptune explain this?

    I do have a fantasy I’m letting go of, it’s release is long overdue. It wasn’t relly mine but the whole thing felt so real. I mean this, I name my grandkids for goodness sake. It doesn’t hurt as much as I expected it to but I’ve worked on letting go for a long time now. I wanted it away from my monkey mind.

    Love this post! You are the only other astrologer I follow, both of you ladies speak to me & this post was one of those BIG statements.

  10. Belinda says:

    Thank you Nadia for all your wonderful insights you put out there.you are truly amazing.I want to wish you a wonderful Xmas n a happy new year!

  11. Charlotte says:

    Nadia thank you so much for all of your insights! I’m very Neptune driven and I’m not sure how or if I’ll ever learn which reality is the real one (and sometimes I don’t want to) but your posts do help me keep things in perspective. Even when it is difficult to let go because what I believe feels more real than what I see, reading your blogs reminds me to at least keep my toes on the ground.

    • Nadia says:

      Great…glad I could help. Tip for discerning what’s real and what’s not. Usually the illusion makes you feel drained at some point (as it progresses).

  12. Charlotte says:

    Sometimes I feel like all I’ve ever known is loss of dreams and people. I want to hold on to something real, but I’m not sure if it will ever be there. What can us Neptune types do when all of life seems to be an ever changing illusion? I’m so afraid to believe that anything is real and that anything I attempt to build will last. That’s been my biggest challenge in letting go of those dreams which I know won’t manifest and trying to create something concrete. Idk maybe its my Sag moon opposite Chiron in Gemini but Saturn is conjuct my moon in my fourth so something about that seems like it should stabilize me better. Although Uranus sandwiched between my moon and Saturn may be adding something to the mix.

    • Nadia says:

      Saturn conjunct Moon can feed your fear as well. You really need to look at your whole chart to see where you can put your energy to manifest something real. Look at where your North Node is, the ruler, etc. That’s your path forward. With Neptune aspects, the best bet is to work with healthy manifestations (creativity, spirituality, compassion) and stay away from the Shadow stuff (addictions, no boundaries, etc).

  13. Patty says:

    The man I love cut his last tie to me this morning. I am so very very sad… I knew I was kidding myself, but yet I held out hope until this morning… I don’t have hope anymore.

    I am 4th house Moon, opposite Pluto and Neptune is currently conjuncting my natal Moon at 0 degrees Pisces. Saturn is conjuncting my Scorp Rising at 10 degrees, opposite my Taurus Venus on the cusp of my 7th. This has been a horrible time for me…. I just wish this was past me. I cry all of the time. I’m in so deep–I don’t feel like I will ever pull out of this.

  14. helloise says:

    Thank you for this, Nadia. Even more spot-on than usual—and your usual posts are already wonderfully precise. Best wishes for the New Year!

  15. Messy Leo says:

    Wow, I’ve been trying to understand some difficult emotions I’ve been going through lately, and trying to talk them out, and absolutely feeling like I’m mourning something but I don’t know what. Basically just feeling a little out of control and unable to understand myself, like my subconcious has just let loose the floodgates. This is absolutely something I needed to see, because I’ve been feeling like people think I’m a lil crazy. Thank you Nadia.

  16. voda says:

    if it squares my mc is it possible to feel the loss on what is ruled by ic?

  17. Gigi says:

    Hi Nadia

    My Venus is in Gemini and my boyfriend’s venus is in Virgo. We just broke up on 12th December. Does this explain what you have said here?

    • Nadia says:

      It might, but there’s probably many other influences hitting your charts as well. It always takes more than one transit to trigger an event.

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